Are you worried that your partner might be falling out of love with you?
Have you started noticing some subtle or not so subtle warning signs that her in love feelings are waning?
If you’re seeing red flags that she’s drifting into that chili space of I love you but I’m not in love with you, stop yourself from going down the rabbit-hole of worst-case-scenario.
You know what I’m talking about…
Looping on all the anxious thoughts, fears, and negative assumptions about how your relationship is going to crash and burn, will not help. In fact, focusing on those negatives is one of the most detrimental things you can do in this situation. Just…
Stop. Breathe. Exhale.
Say to yourself — I am enough and this is figure-outable!
It’s true. You and your partner can figure this out and fall back in love, again.
I want you to know that this is a common experience for all couples. Not just lesbian couples. It’s completely normal for those in love feelings to wax and wane across the length of an intimate relationship. That doesn’t mean your relationship is broken beyond repair.
In fact, when you bump up against the warning signs that your partner is falling out of love, you actually have a golden opportunity on your hands.
Let’s talk about some of the signs that your partner might be falling out of love with you and what you can do to rekindle the love and save your relationship.
12 Signs Your Partner is Falling Out of Love with You
She stops playing your favorite music station and only plays hers.
This sends the message that I’m not going out of my way to show that your desires and likes matter to me. When couples are in love, they work at putting each other first.
When you’re on a dinner date, she spends more time talking and flirting with the server than with you.
Ouch. It’s not loving or kind to blatantly flirt with another person while remaining distant from your partner. When couples are in love, they automatically focus their sexual energy on one another. When that changes, it’s a sign that your partner may be falling out of love.
She falls asleep on the couch during your favorite evening TV show and never makes it to your bedroom.
In love couples put each other to bed, spend time cuddling, and enjoy waking up together.
She stops lighting up and breaking into spontaneous dance with you when your couple song (“our song”) plays.
The song that you identify as “our song” ought to be an immediate ignitor of those euphoric in love feelings. When the sparks don’t fire up…watch out!
You’re met with an icy cold wall when you make a bid for connection.
When you seek attention, affection, connection, or conversation from your partner and she ignores you most of the time…that’s an indication that she’s not feeling in love and isn’t willing to do what it takes to rekindle those feelings.
She suddenly stops taking cute couple selfies and posting them on social media.
What? Yep, people that are in love want to tell the world.
Without explanation, she starts deliberately excluding you from activities that you usually do together.
Wanting to spend most of her time alone or with others shows a disconnection that isn’t part of being in love. It’s a sure sign she may be falling out of love.
Every time you try to have a serious conversation, you’re met with contempt.
While anger is a normal emotion that comes up from time to time when people are in love, contempt is a toxic extreme that shines a spotlight on the absence of in love feeling.
She reacts to your affection with a cold shoulder even though you know her Love Language is physical touch.
This can be so confusing. When you feel confused by how your partner starts responding to your gestures of love that used to work, that’s a sign that she’s either not ok, or that she’s falling out of love.
She avoids having conversations about your dreams and future plans as a couple.
Couples who are in love have lots of conversations about their couple vision, goals, and dreams for their future together. The absence of those future paced talks is a warning sign, indeed.
For the first time ever, she didn’t put a super sweet Happy Anniversary post on facebook or instagram.
As silly as this sounds, if your partner has a history of celebrating you and
your special days, to suddenly not do so is an indication that they’re not feeling those in love feelings.
You hear her say: I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.
This one is a huge jolt and cannot be ignored. The good news is that hearing these words can be a turning point in your relationship. Talking about what’s led to this can open the door to making changes that can help you both fall in love again.
How to Rekindle the In Love Feelings and Save Your Relationship
If you’re picking up on signs that your partner is falling out of love with you, don’t panic.
Instead, your first step is to communicate. Let her know that you’re noticing some changes in her and that you want to understand her feelings. Only initiate this conversation if you’re in a calm inner space.
Do everything in your power to avoid getting defensive or clingy. Get curious about her feelings and thoughts. Ask lots of questions that will help you understand what’s going on in her head and heart.
Once you understand how she’s feeling, let her know you get it. Do that by expressing genuine empathy.
After you see that your empathy has landed, ask your partner if she’s willing to brainstorm some ideas that the two of you can do to nurture connection, fun, and novel experiences. Together, write down a list of things that might spark up your romance, excitement, and in love feelings, again.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Give each other 7 long hugs every day
- Get out of town for a long weekend
- Be mindful of showing up as the best version of yourself every single day
- Buy some massage oil and exchange full-body massages
- Commit to a daily 20 minute catch-up chat with each other
- Get back to making self-care a priority
- Plan a weekly date night that’s different than anything you’ve done recently
- Dance with each other 3 times a week
If this conversation goes poorly, consider going to a couples counselor or joining an online group coaching program for lesbian couples to uncover the roots of your issues and to learn the skills you need to create a joyful, in love relationship.
With the right help it is absolutely possible to reconnect and fall in love, again.